Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
