Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
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