"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
