Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
