I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
