I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Acid is not a monday night drug
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
