careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
