I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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