Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
