She's like a pop up book from hell.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
