He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
