So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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