...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
