Yo dont text me then not text me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
