TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
