You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
