After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
