I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
