I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
