$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
