Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
