all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
