If that was your dad, he is hot
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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