I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
