She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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