My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
