I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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