i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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