he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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