Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
