my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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