Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
