dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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