a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
