I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
