just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
