Cold hands, warm shart.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They took my balls.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
