did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
