Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
