I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
