69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
