this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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