dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
