I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
