oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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