apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
