not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
