I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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