So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
50% drunk capacity currently
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
