took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
