if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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